Slipping
by VeryMadFanGirl
Summary: Everyone thought he was fine; better than fine. He wasn't. He was slipping, fast. There's only one person that can life PJ up, but he won't let her. A kickthepj x OC fanfiction. Because there was so many danfics and philfics but no PJ fanfiction so I made one.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys!**

**So there are loads of Danfics and Philfics and I was like omg PJ fanfiction please.**

**But cba to wait for someone else to write one**

**So I'm writing one instead...**

**well attempting to.**

**Based on my friend Janie Psillides and kickthepj.**

**-I do not own PJ but I do own Janie-**

**Enjoy creepy phandom members!**

* * *

_Everyone thought he was fine; better than fine._

_He wasn't._

_He was slipping._

_Fast._

It was New Years Eve. PJ was at Dan and Phil's flat where they were hosting some sort of rave party thing. He didn't want to attend but he didn't want to seem antisocial either.

He had been there for a few hours and was currently sat down, half listening to the sexual joke Chris had been telling him.

Just as he began to yawn, two girls walked in. Dan greeted them both, happily as always.

She had long dark brown hair pulled into a bun. Her big brown eyes met his and PJ's heart skipped a beat. She was wearing a black mini dress with killer black heels which made her look even taller than she already was.

PJ walked over quickly and he swore he was staring at the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

"Oh, girls this is PJ." Dan smiled. "PJ, this is Rosie and Janie. They just moved opposite me and Phil." He added.

"Hey!" PJ smiled as best he could.

The girl, Janie, smiled back.

"So I'm oh so casually going to go and stalk Smosh, kay?" Rosie said to Janie as she walked off and indeed began to follow (the perfection that is) Smosh. More people arrived and Dan left to greet them.

"So, how do you know Dan?" Janie asked.

"Oh, I'm a member of the foursome!" He stuttered nervously.

"Ummm..." She looked mildly horrified.

"No! No! We didn't HAVE a foursome! Me, Dan and two other YouTubers are a part of this thing called the Fantastic Foursome." PJ explained

Janie laughed a bit. "So you're another YouTube person, like Dan?"

"Yeah, well, Professional Storyteller."

"Awesome! Me and Rosie just moved in down the hall. Do you live nearby?" She asked, hope flickering in her eyes.

"Not usually. But, I'm staying with Dan and Phil for a couple months until I can save up and afford a flat for myself." He sighed.

"Well, good luck! I have to go find Rosie now." Her sigh mimicked his.

"Okay." His face fell.

She turned and started walking away, before she turned to look at him once more."Oh and PJ.." She looked into his eyes as he stood, his mouth hung open slightly. "I hope I can be in some of your stories one day." She grinned.

"Me too."

He wanted to see her again, he really did...but he couldn't.

He wasn't good enough for anyone else.

Especially not HER.

She was so perfect and he was so...useless.

He didn't need anyone else.

He was fine on his own.

Alone.

Well, that's what he kept telling himself anyway.

* * *

PJ wished he could be happy.

If he was happy he could be with someone as amazing as her.

But PJ wasn't happy.

He acted it in videos but that's all he is really 'an actor.'

He can lie and no one can see that he actually feels more and more suffocated each day.

He wasn't the only one that acted. PJ could see that the happiness Dan was always showing wasn't real.

PJ hated himself.

He hated every little thing.

Everyone always said he was good looking.

Why do they lie to him?

He's unwanted, unloved.

And he knew that would never change.

* * *

**Okay so there you go dudes.**

**Sorry if it's not good...**

**and sorry if it absolutely fucked up your feels.**

**One part of me wants to make this fanfiction include sexual content but Janie would probably not approve.**

**YOU SHOULD APPROVE OMG.**

**Well IDK when I'll update this.**

**A few days?**

**ANYWAY**

**BYE YOU LEMONS!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heeeeyyy!**

**So I totally updated the next day.**

**I probably will update AGAIN today as well because my actually friend, Janie, keeps begging me too omg.**

**AnYwAy.**

**Heeeereeeee.**

* * *

**JANIE POV**

I woke up groggily and found myself on the sofa of my new flat.

"ROSIEEE?" I called.

"Whaaaaat?" She called back just as tired.

"Make me some fooooood!"

She laughed sarcastically. "No."

I couldn't even remember what had happened last night. I looked in the mirror and saying my hair was tangled would be an understatement. I actually wasn't sure whether someone had dragged me backwards through a hedge or not.

"I swore I tied it up.." I muttered to myself.

"You did." Rosie said walking into the room. "You took it down during the dance competition."

"Dance competition?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yeah, you did pretty good actually; second place. That Dan kid won though, who knew he could dance to Barbie Girl so well?" She laughed a little.

"Then what happened?!"

"Well, by then you were pretty drunk so the PJ kid helped me carry you here."

Oh, PJ.

I remembered HIM.

Curly brown hair. Dark green eyes.

Something about a foursome and telling stories.

"Now get dressed!" Rosie chucked some of my clothes at me.

"WAT? Why?"

"Because we're going back over there in a minute!"

I repeated myself. "WAT? Why?"

"Cause I left my purse over there and I can't remember how many attractive guys are there so we have to look good!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes before changing into my cream shirt, my maroon skater skirt, my black creepers and a bowler hat I had just bought that looked absolutely AMAZING. I brushed through my knotted hair quickly and left it in some loose waves. I did my makeup and waited for Rosie who reappeared wearing skinny jeans and a Muse t-shirt, typical her.

PJPOV.

I groaned, waking up and rubbing my head. I looked around and found that seconds ago, I had been passed out on Dan and Phil's bathroom floor; classy.

The doorbell suddenly rang through my ears and I groaned again. My head seriously hurt.

"Dan can you answer the door?" I heard Phil shout.

"UMM…PHIL MY HOBBIT HAIR?!" Dan shouted back.

Phil muttered under his breath as he walked through the hall to answer the door, I still hadn't even moved yet.

I heard the door open followed by faint talking.

"DAAAAN, it's Janie and Rosie." Phil eyes opened and I jumped to my feet with a start.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh Shit.

She's here.

The girl from last night.

She's ACTUALLY here.

RIGHT NOW.

Suddenly, Dan rushed into the bathroom.

"Oh, PJ there you are! Can you go get my hair straighteners from the front room?" He asked, flustered.

"Umm sure." I didn't want to. But he was nice enough to let me stay with them so...

'I'll just ignore her and act pissed off. She probably isn't as pretty as I remembered.'

But she was.

I stood in the doorway and forgot all about the straighteners as I looked into those deep brown eyes.

She stared back, that bright smile making my brain stop functioning.

This was going to be harder than I thought.

Much harder.

* * *

**THANKS!**

**ILY LEMONS.**


	3. Chapter 3

**THE SAME DAY FUCK YEAH.**

* * *

**PJ POV**

I should say something.

"Hey!" I said awkwardly. "I just came to get Dan's hair straighteners, sorry."

Rosie laughed. "Don't be sorry, I just came here to get my purse!"

"Last night was great by the way, Phil! Thanks for inviting us!" Janie smiled gratefully.

"Don't mention it. How's the moving in going?" Phil asked.

"Our stuff doesn't get here until tomorrow so other than a sofa there's nothing! Not even Internet!" Janie stated dramatically.

"NO INTERNET?!" Phil and me responded in unison.

"Phil this is not okay. We can't abandon people in need." Dan said walking in with...surprisingly straight hair.

"Yeah, I agree. You guys can camp out here to the your Internet works." Phil agreed in a mixture of sarcasm, but knowing us, probably some actual seriousness.

This is not okay.

She keeps looking at me.

Like, she KNOWS something's wrong.

She doesn't know. No one does.

* * *

I sat down with the others as we had an, as Rosie referred to it, 'Intense How I Met Your Mother Marathon.'

I almost enjoyed myself but, I couldn't let my guard down.

"PJ, it's your turn to get snacks." Dan said to me and I stood up and started to walk to the kitchen.

"I'll help."

* * *

**JANIE POV**

I didn't know what it was about him.

Whether it was the fact that he was amazingly good looking or the fact that he was honestly a really nice guy, I was drawn to him.

He looked so lost all the time.

Like me.

I knew how to spot the signs for depression.

The dark bags under his eyes. He wears long sleeved tops and jumpers, even though it's not cold.

He looks afraid, so afraid...but of what?

The way he looked at me was what I was most worried about.

He acted fine around Dan, Phil and Rosie...but his eyes seem to look traumatized every time they met mine.

Maybe that's because I'm still too fat.

I bit my lip and looked down. I'd been trying my best to not eat but I...

"PJ, it's your turn to get snacks." Dan said.

He breathed shakily and stood up.

"I'll help." I said keenly and he stopped abruptly before walking towards the kitchen.

"Okay."

He got out a packet of microwave popcorn and began to try and open it.

I put my hands on his and he looked down at me nervously.

I wanted to ask him what he thought was wrong with me.

"PJ, are you okay?" I asked softly.

"Y-Yeah." He mumbled.

"I'd really like it if we could be friends." I smiled as best I could.

"Me too." He smiled back.

"Look, I know something's wrong with you but I won't ask you about it. I just hope you get better and that we'll be good friends." I turned around to go back into the living room.

"Janie," he called back to me and I turned around. "Thanks." His eyes lit up as he smiled genuinely for the first time.

Well, I thought it was.

But, then again, everyone always thinks my smiles are genuine as well.

* * *

**STILL LOVING YOU LEMONSSSSS**


	4. Chapter 4

**HEY EVERYONE!**

**SO THIS IS CHAPTER FOUR!**

**This is the PJ set of the Downward Series.**

**If you want to read the Phil Set it's called "Falling" and it's on my stories (duh)**

**Anyway enjoy guys.**

* * *

**PJ POV**

I didn't like how much I cared about her already.

It was a strange feeling.

Like, it shouldn't happen but it was anyway.

And, although I've been told I'm an amazing storyteller, I couldn't lie to myself.

"PJ?" Dan asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"We're going over to the girls' flat to help them move their stuff in. Are you coming?" He asked .

I can't.

I'm not good enough.

I'm useless.

I'll just get in the way.

I'll get in the way of HER.

"No, that's fine."

I gave my best fake smile.

"Well, alright. But they'd prefer if if you were there...especially Janie." Dan winked.

**- LET'S JUST TAKE A SECOND TO RECOVER FROM IMAGINING A DAN HOWELL WINK, OVARIES EXPLODED? OKAY-**

I smiled half heartedly and he reluctantly left me alone.

JANIE POV

"Right. We need to get this done by eight pm. That's when Laura gets here!" I said and Rosie squealed happily.

"Okay so make sure you aren't wearing cat whiskers when she gets here you two." Rosie said to Dan and Phil.

"Oh yeah she has a creepy fetish for that thing." I shivered and laughed.

The guys looked at us like we were retards and we just laughed more.

* * *

"Janie, why are you rolling around the newly placed carpet?" Rosie asked.

"IT'S SO SOFT. I MUST TWEET ABOUT IT!" I shouted reaching for my phone but finding...nothing.

I sighed flatly.

"I left my phone at yours..I'm going to go and get it."

"Oh yeah that's cool just leave us to carry everything." Dan sighed sarcastically attempting to lift a wardrobe. "OH GOD I CAN'T ADJUST MY JEANS." He shouted before I shut the door.

My face fell as I did so.

I hated pretending to smile sometimes.

"Hey PJ!" I said, walking into their flat.

"Hi!" He did his best to smile but I still saw through it.

"I just came to get my phone. Why didn't you come over?" I pouted a little.

"It's nothing."

I laughed and walked to the kitchen to get my phone. "That's like..my catchphrase." And then I walked out.

Whatdid she mean?

Her catchphrase?

Is something wrong with her?

A few minutes later I received a phone call.

"I'm outside Tescos,"

Janie?

"..before I go in, do you need anything from there?" She asked.

"No, don't worry about-"

"AHHHH!" I heard her scream, a thump and the line went dead.

Oh my god.

"SHIT." I shouted to no one in particular.

I grabbed a jacket and ran out the door. The rain was falling hard but I didn't care.

All that mattered right now was her.

Nothing else.

I sprinted as fast as I could towards the shopping centre. I looked around, frantically searching for those dark brown eyes.

Then I spotted her.

She was sobbing into the rain into the rain, curled up in a little ball.

"JANIE!" I screamed and ran to her. I crouched down beside her.

"P-PJ?" She whimpered.

"Janie, why are you crying?!"

Her knee was all bloody so I guess she slipped over, but why all the tears?

"I need someone..." She cried harder and I pulled her into my arms as she sobbed into my chest.

People were staring but I didn't care. I just wanted her to be that okay.

At that second, the only thing that meant anything was her.

That moment was everything.

I wanted to never let her go.

And then I remembered;

I have to.

* * *

**okay thanks lemons!**

**I'M SORRY IF YOUR FEELS GOT HURT.**

**P.S You still haven't recovered from that Dan Howell wink..have you?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry I didn't update these last couple of days!**

**I was terribly ill.**

**I'm kidding I had a cough and cba to move.**

**But I felt SOOOO bad that I added two new chapters to this AND to my AmazingPhil fanfiction of the same series!**

**((SERIOUSLY IF YOU READ THIS ONE I SUGGEST YOU READ THE OTHER ONE TWO. THEY'RE LIKE THE SAME STORY))**

**Anyway here you go lemons!**

**Btw I think this chapter is a possible trigger but idk.**

* * *

**PJ POV**

She sat in Dan and Phil's flat with a blanket wrapped around her as she sniffed.

She'd said sorry like 50 times already.

"I'm s-sorry PJ..." She sniffed.

Make that 51 times.

"For what?" I asked.

Why was she so sorry in the first place?

She did nothing wrong.

If anything I should be apologizing to HER.

"C-Crying in front of you..." She looked down sadly.

"Janie, it's okay. Don't worry about it." I said softly and gripped her shoulders.

"But I shouldn't have done that! Don't worry about me, PJ."

"It's too late for that. I'm already worried about you." I argued.

"I'm fine." She blatantly lied.

I sighed.

She won't let me in.

"Let me go and get a first aid kit." I gestured to her leg.

**JANIE POV**

I wanted to tell him.

But how could I?

He'd think I was a freak...If he doesn't already.

This was what went through my head as PJ treated my leg.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you." I whispered shakily.

"It's fine." He smiled warmly at me and moved his arm up to dab at my forehead where another cut was.

His sleeve rode up slightly as he did this and my eyes widened at the deep cuts I saw.

"PJ..." I whispered in shock and grabbed his hand.

He stared at me in fear as I rolled up his sleeve and winced at all the scars, cuts and burns I saw.

I searched for what to say.

There were so many things I could've said to him.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and he flinched away in terror, the look in his eyes would remain with me forever

."Why are you so scared?" I asked, worried.

He ignored my question and put his hands in front of him, cowering away from me.

"P-Please don't..." He stuttered.

"PJ, I'm not going to hit you!" I rose my voice in shock. I grabbed his hands and lowered them down. "Look at me!" I said and his eyes locked with mine, fear evident in his.

"Why would you think that?!" I asked.

"Th-that's what my parents did when they found out..." He murmured as his eyes welled up with tears.

I pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I won't let ANYONE hurt you from now on." I whispered.

He pulled away from me with my arms still around his neck. He moved a loose strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

His eyes changed from looking lifeless and broken...to something else.

Then I realised that those eyes were getting closer and closer.

He's leaning in.

Oh my god, he's leaning in.

* * *

**So there you go!**

**HAHAHA It's funny because it looks like a cliffhanger when in actual fact I'm totally just adding chapter six of this.**


	6. Chapter 6

**THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU AND/OR YOUR FEELS WILL DIE.**

**SO YEAH.**

**ILY GUYS.**

* * *

**PJ POV.**

What am I doing?

I need to stop.

I said I wouldn't do this.

I can't do this.

Shit, now she's leaning in as well.

And-

"FUCK THIS. I'M GETTING A BELT." Dan shouted as he opened the door.

Me and Janie pulled away from each other as quick as we could. I looked her in the eyes quickly before standing up.

"There's one in here, Dan." I said.

"Thanks PJ. Janie, your friend Laura's going to be here in an hour according to Rosie. Can you help us get your flat ready?" Dan asked.

"Yep, sure!" She said almost instantly and walked out as quick as she could.

I can't believe I almost did that.

She feels sorry for me.

She doesn't want me, no one ever will.

**JANIE POV.**

I ran inside quickly.

I can't let them see me crying.

"Janie! Ready to help now?" Rosie laughed.

"Y-yeah, one minute..I just need the toilet." I stuttered and locked the bathroom door as quick as I could.

And then I cried.

What was I thinking?!

PJ would never like someone like me.

I'm too fat for ANYONE to like me.

Rosie says that I'm not. She says she wishes she could be skinny like me.

Why does she lie to me?

_HE_ didn't lie to me.

_HE_ told me straight that I'm fat, ugly and not worth it.

And _HE's_ right.

I need to try harder.

I'll start now.

* * *

15 minutes later was when I came out of the bathroom and acted happy again.

Sometimes I wish that someone would notice.

So then they could stop me.

But no one ever does.

So I don't stop.

* * *

**SORRY IT'S SAD.**

**I'm crying omg.**

**Anyway, until next time you lemons!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! It's chapter seven!**

**So this is probably considered a trigger warning idk.**

**Btw Janie If you're reading this, you're actually fucking fab okay.**

**SO HERE. **

**P.S: Sorry about your feels in advance.**

* * *

**JANIE POV**

So Laura got here last night.

We're all meant to be going to the guys' flat tonight. I don't really feel up for it as we're all meant to be wearing pyjamas and I only have shorts.

Rosie says that she only has shorts too and that it's fine.

But she doesn't understand.

I can't let people see me.

They'll be disgusted.

But I still go because I can't let them see that there's anything wrong with me.

Even though EVERYTHING is wrong with me.

**PJ POV.**

"PJ they're here! Answer the door!" I heard Dan yell.

"Dan, you lazy shit!" I said answering the door anyway.

Janie looked up at me, her big brown eyes looking scared.

I looked down at her and my mouth gaped open and realised;

No one THAT beautiful would ever go out with me.

I let them in and sat on the sofa. She immediately came and sat down next to me and put one of Phil's oversized pillows on her lap.

I stood up to get snacks but stopped when she tugged on my sleeve."Sit with me?" She squeaked.

How could I say no?

There's something wrong with her

I need to work out what it is and fast.

Because her eyes get a little greyer everyday.

She's slipping away from I need to work out why.

It was halfway through the random movie we were watching that I realised she wasn't here. I thought she went to the toilet but I checked and she wasn't there.

I slipped out when no one was looking and cautiously opened the door to the girls' flat.

I could hear whimpering and crying.

She sounded so broken.

Like nothing could ever fix her.

Why would someone who looks that perfect be upset?

I walked into her room.

She wasn't there.

Where else could she be? I traced the sobbing back to the bathroom.

But then I heard it.

She was crying harder.

She wasn't just crying though.

She was WRETCHING.

Even thinking about it was hurting me.

Why would she do that to herself?

I can't do this.

I'd do anything to help her.

But how the hell could I help?

I have a reason to hate myself.

* * *

**UNTIL NEXT TIME LEMONS!xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**So here's the new chapter guys!**

**It took SOOOO LONG BECAUSE IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONG!**

**Sorry 'bout your feels.**

* * *

JANIE POV

I was freaking out.

I was going to dinner with Dan, Phil, Rosie, Laura...AND PJ. It was to celebrate Dan and Phil landing a job on Radio One.

But I'm not excited.

How can I go out to dinner when I can't eat anything?

They'll know something's up with me.

I just went shopping with Rosie and Laura to find something to wear but they had nothing.

I had to call our friend Molly and get her to drive down here and bring a dress I leant her ages ago here so I can wear it tonight.

I'm so scared.

They'll notice. Someone's going to notice.

PJ POV

She was all I could think about.

Someone so beautiful, so perfect, thinking they're the complete opposite.

Why?

Who could have hurt her this much?

Who-

"PJ!" Dan shouted, waving his hand in front of my face and snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked cluelessly.

"What's up with you?! I called your name like five times!" He laughed.

"N-Nothing, I'm just thinking." I stuttered.

"Well THAT can't be good!" Phil laughed as he walked over.

"I was just saying that we're going in a minute. Have you got everything?" Dan asked.

"Oh, umm yeah." I mumbled.

One part of me never wanted to see her again for fear of hurting her more, but another part of me knew I'd never be able to do that...no matter how hard I tried.

JANIE POV

I looked in the mirror one last time. I was wearing a strapless, red high low dress with a gold pendant necklace and red heels and I had put my hair up in a bun.

I didn't like how I looked but Laura and Rosie insisted I looked lovely.

Rosie was wearing a black cocktail dress with black flats. Her side fringe was swept and held in place by about five cans of hairspray.

Laura was wearing an electric blue skater dress with a peter pan collar and killer black wedges. She had her hair in her natural golden waves.

And then I breathed in, trying to make myself seem slimmer...it didn't work.

I took a shaky breath as the doorbell rang and Rosie answered.

I could hear Dan muttering something along the lines of "Holy shit..." Which I assumed was a good thing for Rosie.

She laughed. "Come on, you guys, lets go!" She called back behind her as me and Laura made our way to the door.

Dan and Phil both said "wow" in unison as they saw us but it was obviously because of Laura.

PJ didn't say anything...he just looked down, avoiding all eye contact with me.

I knew I was unappealing but wow.

((FYI GUYS. IN THIS STORY JANIE IS ACTUALLY REAAAAALLLY SKINNY SHE JUST DOESN'T THINK SHE IS))

* * *

Everything was going okay half way through dinner, well apart from PJ completely avoiding eye contact with me.

Dan was being 'captain sarcasm' but was generally hilarious as everyone else found it hard to get a word in edge ways at Rosie's constant talking; not that we really cared. Laura and Phil would get involved in the conversation but would blush and look down awkwardly every time either of them said something that resorted in them having to look at each other. It was adorable!

More like a-LAURA-ble hahahaha I'm so funny...

But then things got bad.

Everyone else had already finished dinner whilst I had eaten a couple mouthfuls and was just moving the food around on my plate.

"Janie, hurry up and eat." Rosie said.

"Yeah, aren't you going to finish?" Laura added and all eyes were on me expectantly. Even PJ's.

For the first time all night he looked up at me, his eyes filled with worry and concern.

I bit my lip nervously. "I'm not hungry."

"What do you mean you're not hungry?" Dan rolled his eyes.

"We came here for dinner!" Phil laughed.

"I've already eaten."

"Don't be silly, no you haven't!" Rosie said.

"Janie, what's going on?!" Laura raised her voice a little.

"I..." My eyes began to get cloudy with tears.

"LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE'S NOT HUNGRY OKAY?!" PJ shouted, standing up.

My mouth hung open and my eyes were wide. Everyone was silent.

Oh no, they're going to ask more questions.

But before they could, PJ grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the restaurant.

It was raining really hard so we ran as fast as we could for cover, my dress being ruined in the process.

I ran under a tree just in time to turn around and watch PJ slip over in a puddle.

And then I started laughing. I was crying with laughter.

He looked up at me and started laughing as well.

He got up and stood next to me.

"Th-thanks..." I stuttered, freezing cold.

He didn't respond for a long time until he finally opened his mouth and said; "I know what you do to yourself."

"What?" I asked. But I already knew what he meant.

"You're really beautiful." He said.

My heart melted a little.

"You don't need to lie to me.." I croaked and looked down sadly.

He tilted my chin up to look into his eyes.

"I don't know who made you think that you're not good enough, but they're wrong. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life, and easily the prettiest. Don't think that you need to change because you don't. I've know you for not even a month but sometimes I only ever get up in the mornings at the small chance that I'll get to see you. Janie, you're not just stunning and you don't just mean a lot to me. You're perfect..." He lowered his head closer to mine, his lips only millimeters away. "And you mean everything to me." He whispered.

Then he kissed me.

It was like nothing else mattered apart from me and him.

I didn't care about HIM or what HE had done or said to me.

I cared about PJ.

I still didn't believe anything he was saying.

But I no longer cared about how cold it was, because I knew that from now on...he could keep me warm.

* * *

**So thanks for reading!**

**Hahaha I didn't know it would be so LONG.**

**Anyway I love you all, lemons!xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever. (LIKE FIVE DAYS)**

**To make it up to you all here's two chapters at once.**

**Oh and there are also two chapters updated from the Dan part of this story and the Phil part.**

**I'd recommend reading them btw cause otherwise this shit'll be confusing. **

* * *

**PJ POV**

I pulled away from her quickly and reluctantly, instantly regretting what I had just done.

I can't help her.

I'll just make things worse...

Like always.

I saw the look of horror in her eyes as I pulled away from her. Her eyes welled up with tears.

"Janie! I didn't pull away becau-"

"Save it PJ." She snapped coldly but her eyes filled with what looked like understanding.

"No it's-"

"I know. You were just trying to comfort me. You didn't know what you were thinking. You were an emotional roller-coaster. I've heard them all. I can pretend that it all never happened. And we can be...friends..." She struggled with the last word. She looked absolutely broken. "I need to go." She whispered almost inaudibly and before I could say anything, she ran away from me.

Why would she think that?!

And more importantly...

What does she mean by 'heard them all'?!

**JANIE POV**

I'm so stupid! I thought PJ cared about me but he was the same as HIM. He didn't care about me. At least PJ admitted I was repulsive and didn't just use me though. That didn't stop it from hurting though.

In fact, this hurts even more. I had never really liked HIM in the first place, he'd just told me there were never going to be any better offers for me. I thought PJ was my better offer, a chance for me to finally be happy. But he'd never like someone like me.

Not that I can blame him.

Who would?

**PJ POV**

I hadn't seen Janie since last night. I wanted to go and apologise to her but I couldn't. I felt so bad. Bloody hell, I hated myself enough without knowing that I hurt her weighing me down as well.

But I'm not depressed.

I'm fine.

I was sat thinking to myself next to Phil on the sofa when suddenly the door burst open making Phil jump out of his skin (not literally).

"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!" A voice shouted angrily, seconds later I saw that voice belonged to Rosie and she was apparently about to kill me.

Dan struggled to hold her back. "Woah! Calm down! What happened?!" He asked her.

"Well I just CASUALLY walked in on Janie crying!"

"What? Why?" Phil asked, his voice filling with worry.

**((Awh I'm sorry Phil is just so innocent and adorable. But then when he lip synced Toxic by Static Lullaby he was just absolute sex I can't even))**

Oh shit.

She knows.

"Well PJ here goes and KISSES her. THEN he goes and breaks it off because she's not good enough!" She screamed the last part and I looked at her traumatised.

What should I say?

I can't say why. They'll know something's wrong with me.

Dan had apparently decided to take this opportunity to get incredibly pissed off as well.

"What even PJ. How could you say that to OUR Janie?! Jesus fucking Christ I knew something was up with you but I didn't think-"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!" My voice rose for the first time and I stood up, all whilst Phil watched in a mixture of confusion and fear. "I pulled away and she assumed it was because she's not good enough! She said that she's 'heard it all before' but I don't understand how she could of because she's perfect!"

"But why did you pull away?" Phil asked.

The ONE question I couldn't answer.

If I told them they'd know there was something wrong with me.

About how I'm insecure

About how I cut myself

About how I'm not good enough

About how I'm depressed

No one can know.


	10. Chapter 10

**And here you go!**

**Also updating the Phil and Dan parts of this series right now k guys.**

**ILY LEMONS**

* * *

**PJ POV**

What was I meant to say?

The agonizing silence was broken when Rosie screamed again."CAN'T YOU SEE HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU?"

What?

"DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! Every day she looks at you in the same way and you don't see it! She tries so hard to tell herself that you're just really close friends but you aren't. She's in love with you! But how can she tell you? Your friendship would be ruined. And she's so scared because of it. Sometimes she only wakes up because she knows she's going to get to see you. Other days she doesn't want to wake up because she doesn't want to feel the pain anymore. You're one of her best friends and she has to hide that from you!" She yelled the words and this time I actually said it.

"WHAT?"

She shook her head. "How can you NOT know. So either take care of her or stop talking to her. Janie's past means that this is harder for her. Her heart was broken before she met you and now it's totally shattered." She spat the words coldly.

Past?

And then her eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm done here." Rosie stated and stormed out.

Dan and Phil stared shocked at me before Dan quickly snapped out of it and grabbed his key. "I'm going after her. Phil deal with PJ." Phil nodded.

"Why was Dan in such a hurry?" I asked once the door slammed.

"Are you THAT silly?" Phil asked before continuing. "Obviously Rosie was talking about the way she feels about Dan."

"What? So is Janie in love with me?" I asked, confused.

"Yes you idiot!" Phil groaned.

JANIE IS IN LOVE WITH ME?

**JANIE POV**

"So how are things going with Phil?" I asked Laura on the way back from our walk. She just blushed.

"Our group have literally the worst guy problems ever." Laura laughed.

"I know. Don't even get me started on Rosie and Dan!" I agreed.

"Seriously, I know and-"

Then I heard was calling my was calling my in the crowded streets looked at the boy running up to me.

Like, literally up.

As in I was on a bridge and he was below it shouting my name.

EVERYONE around stopped what they were doing as they stared at him...and then at me...and then back at him.

"JANIE!"

I looked down at him with my eyes open wide in shock.

"JANIE I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PAST OR ABOUT MY OWN. I JUST KNOW THAT I CAN'T LET YOU CRY ANYMORE.

"People around the crowd 'awh'd' all whilst Laura's ovaries exploded from the adorableness.

"PJ...what're you..."

"JANIE. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. SO IN LOVE WITH YOU IT HURTS."

"No you're not." I croaked.

And then he got out his guitar.

PJ's not going to...really... No stop.

"I made a mash up of songs for you Janie."

"PJ please don't oh my god."

Laura had decided to get her phone out and put it on loud speaker and I could hear our friend Molly who's still in Southampton squealing and chanting "oh my god" in a loop on the other line.

He started singing and I think I might have died.

_"When I see your faaace,_

_There's not a thing that I would change,_

_Cause you're amazing_

_Just the way you aaaare_

_And when you smile,_

_The whole world stoooops and stares for a while,_

_Cause girl you're amazing,_

_Just the way you are." _

The crowd started cheering and by now I didn't know whether I was laughing or crying.

_"You're beautiful, You're beautiful,_

_You're beautiful it's true,_

_I saw your face,_

_In a crowded place,_

_And I don't know what to do,_

_Cause I'll never be with you."_

After another five songs he was about to go into Call Me Maybe but I stopped him before he could.

"I LOVE YOU TOO, OKAY?!" I practically screamed and he immediately stopped playing.

"Why are you still crying?" He called.

"These are happy tears, you idiot!" I began to cry more.

I had never cried happy tears before.

I had never felt happy enough before.

Until now.


End file.
